“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.” ~Anne Lamott
Candles are meant to be burned.
Week 2 of the pact with my sister and this post almost didn’t make it up. Logistical issues (the Pacific Date Line, Single Parenting, blah, blah) meant that we couldn’t post simultaneously. So I see her posted photograph for this project and all the meaning and depth behind it and my mind starts swerving all over the place with ideas, doubts, re-writes, etc. I wanted my post to sync up with hers more so I started throwing together something new and, of course, it’s not yet “good enough” to post and, voila, two more, not quite finished, blog posts to add to my long list of rough drafts.
Ms. Lamott was speaking about writing when she made that quotable remark; however, you can also look at it from the perspective of your self and your life, in general. Just the act of trying something new, putting it out there, or exploring another side of yourself allows you to refine and hone that first attempt. If you are fortunate enough to be beyond your 20s, I think you’ll agree that that time of life is indeed a rough draft. But, damn, sometimes I find myself wanting a “do-over” instead of merely editing how I move forward in the decade in which I currently find myself.
Time having it’s way with this tree. Tree not minding.
I cannot be pleased. I don’t want to be 20-something again and, yet, I want an opportunity to spruce up the storyline of my 20s. And then there’s the issue of time. Either it’s going too fast with emergence of the fine lines on my face or it’s not fast enough in bringing my most ardent desires to fruition. I do believe that everything you want and desire, when sincerely put out to the universe – along with taking action on those dreams, is on it’s way to you. Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily at a rate acceptable to me.
The ability to sit and wait with sincere patience, knowing that all is coming, is, more realistically, a squirm-inducing torture chamber of uncertainty. At least this is my current experience. I would prefer to be more Zen about the unfolding of my life. That would certainly line up with the persona that I prefer to present to the world – creative, flexible, open, inspired, aware, blah, blah…
Buttery croissants and Valrhona dark chocolate.
At times I cringe thinking of the past, which is perfect, because this recipe is a hallmark of my late 20s and is cringe-inducing in it’s bombastic overdone-ness and supersaturated richness. That being said, you really are going to want to try it.
This Christmas Eve, after many years of banishment, I made this dessert again. It had been my go-to dessert for dinner parties for years and was universally loved. Sometime in the late 90s, I had clipped it out of a women’s magazine – Glamour or Cosmo or some other publication that, after perusing, leaves you, however subtly, feeling dissatisfied with your body, your clothes, your job, your life. Perhaps I am particularly sensitive or have unusually low self-esteem but I’ve recently banned even Yoga Journal from my house because it makes me feel not good enough. Anyway, I’ve kept this yellowed clipping for years even though dessert has never been a priority for me and I’m finally secure enough to cook the food that suites me and my tastes as opposed to trying to please others.
At about the time that I was clipping recipes from magazines, I would host dinner parties where everything was overdone. Too many rich appetizers, a dense heavy main course (even as a vegetarian), and then this gut-crushing dessert. Preparation took ages and none of this was enjoyable to me so hung up was I on “serving” my guests as well as the eventual outcome. I am quite certain that I was all about the destination and not the journey at this point in my life.
Almost finished…
And, yet, I still struggle with that damn cliche. I still feel an edginess start to creep up about where is this all going and how will it all turn out and can someone just give me a general outline as to the coming attractions so I can escape this groundlessness and just KNOW already? It’s enough to make you want to stir up some drama in your life to distract yourself from the real issues.
Skip the drama and make this dessert instead – just once – savor it and share it and make it for breakfast…and then ban it from your repertoire.
CHOCOLATE CROISSANT BREAD PUDDING (serves 8)
8 croissants (stale is perfect), cubed
8oz chunk of dark chocolate (70% Valrhona is perfect), coarsely chopped
5 eggs
5 cups heavy cream
1.25 cups sugar
2 tsp vanilla
Spray with olive oil (or rub with butter) eight 10oz ramekins. Fill each ramekin with 1/2 a cubed croissant and 0.5oz of chocolate then add the rest of the croissant cubes and the other 0.5oz of chocolate (this method distributes the chocolate nicely among the eventual bread pudding).
Whisk together eggs, heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla. Pour little-by-little into ramekins, distributing evenly. You will need to gently push croissants down and wait for them to absorb the liquid before adding more. At this point, you can cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate (overnight, if needed) until you are ready to bake.
A good enough sunset. Christmas Eve 2014. Windansea.
Place ramekins on baking sheet (they will bubble over a bit and puff up) and bake at 350 degrees F for 45 minutes. Serve hot topped with coconut ice cream.
It’s most amusing to me that, in 15 years, I’ve never thought, until today, to Google ‘chocolate croissant bread pudding’. There are many, many variations. Again, I am not feeling good enough. Just kidding.
